The Furuba Jedi Mole Attack
by thedarksquiggle
Summary: Uh-oh the Furuba Groupies got themselves screwed again. Akito has evil plans and a shovel what will happen next?
1. Down The Rabbit Hole And Holy Cheese Sti

The Furuba Jedi Mole Attack by TheDarkSquiggle  
  
Chapter 1: Down The Rabbit Hole And Holy Cheese Sticks  
  
~~~~~~~AUTHOR NOTE TIME! I would like to interrupt this broadcast to inform you little green men from mars are trying to abduct your recycling bins...please save the trees... Nat helped me with ideas here ...... I would also like to ask if you have any money because... I'm broke! Cheese sticks are good too *yum yum* or fried chicken..... Also if you hate me or this story please do not throw peanuts... I'm allergic to them... and this is my first story... so please be nice....  
  
~~~~~~~DISCLAIMER I don't own Fruits Basket or Star Wars or Jedi Powers, but I wish I did... I'd be on the dark side MUHAHAHA....  
  
Furuba cast: SCARY...  
  
TDS: *sob sob**grin* ... HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!!  
  
Furuba Cast: *runs*  
  
Momiji: I want a hug!!!!!! *poof*  
  
TDS: YAY! BUNNIES!  
  
~~~~~~~~BACKSTORY Once upon a time in Tokyo there was a very sad cursed family, they were also very crazy and turned into animals when people hugged them. Then, Tohru moved in and nothing changed.  
  
~~~~~~~STORY  
It was a normal day in Sohma land when Momiji suddenly noticed Akito randomly walking around outside with a shovel. It was not an ordinary shovel; it was a BIG, BLACK, SHARP ONE! Strangely enough it had red stuff on the end *it was actually Easter egg paint* and was all banged up on the edges.... Shigure and Momiji were taking a walk when they suddenly noticed this strange event (they were eating fried chicken).  
  
Momiji: *jumping up and down* Why is Akito carrying a shovel with blood on it?  
  
Shigure: He's burying his victims  
  
Momiji: oh... *cowers under rock* WAIT IS IT TOHRU?!!! IN THE NAME OF THE EASTER BUNNY WE MUST SAVE HER!!! *starts running in circles yelling in a happy girly voice with a rock on his head*  
  
Shigure: You make it sound like it's a good thing... she's a goner by now anyways....  
  
Momiji: NOOO!!!!! *Runs around in circles faster and then runs into tree* X_X  
  
Shigure: Just kidding he's probably gardening or...um... yes... gardening....  
  
Akito: *pops up from bushes with military helmet* MUHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! You shall all feel my wrath!!!!!!!  
  
Shigure and Momiji got scared and ran away, invisible voices had scared them away... In the distance a white and black haired boy was walking in circles, but was somehow managing to actually go somewhere at the same time. WHO COULD IT BE?????!!! IT"S HATSUHARU!!!!!! Haru was lost again, as usual, and had been looking for Dairy Queen, but sadly he would never get his favorite ice cream, Moo-moo Supreme, nor would he be able to fight for cow rights!!!! . That's right! Haru was trying to save the cows from evil farmers who think its fun to make cows squirt milk all day! REBELLION!!!  
  
Haru: *walk* *walk* *walk* *crack* *SPLOSH* Owwwwwwwwww........  
  
And that was the end of Haru....  
  
Akito: One little piggy went to market... one little piggy.... *covers large hole with branches*  
  
Hatori: What are you doing?  
  
Akito: Nothing.... *tries to smile innocently... looks like a serial killer*  
  
Hatori: What's in that hole?  
  
Akito: Nothing....  
  
Haru: I'M LOST!!!!!!  
  
Hatori: o_O  
  
Akito: THEY'RE ON TO ME!!!!!!! *shoves hatori in hole*  
  
Haru: Ouch! I keep getting hurt dammit! STUPID AUTHOR DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST ME?????!!!!! TDS:...  
  
Haru: *getting pissed*  
  
Hatori: *hiding in corner*  
  
Akito: *covers hole*  
  
Hatori: It seems that we are buried alive....  
  
Haru: ...  
Shigure and Momiji were back again and this time Ayame was with them too. They were yelling random crazy things like BABUSHKA!!! and JACKALOPES ARE REAL AND FIGHT THE DUSTBUNNY CLAN!! So the three crazy-hyper-caffeine- people were bouncing their way across the grass when suddenly... *WOOOOOOOOSH**BONK*  
  
Haru: Dammit that's three times!!! *WOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHH**BOUNCE**SPLAT*  
  
Haru: @_@  
  
Ayame: Where has my Shigure gone???  
  
Hatori: Quick pull us out!!!  
  
Shigure: AYA LOOK I FELL IN A BIG DARK HOLE!!!!!!  
  
Ayame: SHIGURE ME AMOR!!!!! HERE I COME!!!!! * jumps in**splat* I think I hit someone...  
  
Hatori: That hurts you know....  
  
Haru: HAHAHAHA!!!! I'M SAFE FORM SHER-KHAN!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone else: o_O  
  
Hatori: I think he got hit on the head one too many times....  
  
Haru: MAUHAHAHAHA FEEL MY WRATH OBEI WAN KAN-- *WOOSSHHHHHHHHHH... BANG.... CLATTER... SQUISH...* @_@ happy place.. happy place..  
  
Kyou: Dammit you stupid rat this is all your fault!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuki: At least I'm not the one who was chasing squirrel-children  
  
Kyou: THEY WERE DUSTBUNNIES!!!!!!  
  
Tohru: WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *poof x6* Kyou? Yuki? Are you down here? Awww cute little animals.... that's funny they look just like the zodiac animals.... Hehe I'll make sure to tell the Sohma's I saw their twins...mom always said there's two of everything... wait no....that was Noah's Ark... never mind.........Whoa! A seahorse is down here! It must have fallen from the sky!!!!!! HAHAHAH the got milk cow!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH SNAKEEEEEEEE!!!! *whacks Aya with shoe*  
  
Aya: OUCH! OUCH! MY BEAUTIFUL SELF IS GETTING ABUSED!!!!!! X_X  
  
Tohru: I knew those animals looked familiar.... OH NO!!!! It seems as if I have learned something new today blah blah blah blah (30 min later) blah blah blah *poof* *everyone changed back* WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (It's crowded down here!!) NAKED PEOPLE!!!!!!! *faints*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~10 minutes later (insert elevator music here)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *tap tap tap*  
  
Everyone: o_O  
  
*Wall explodes buries dead Hatori and Ayame*  
  
Ayame: WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hatori: Oww... My head hurts...  
  
*march march march*  
  
Kyou: IT MUST BE MOLE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!  
  
Ayame: *screams like girl and jumps on Tohru**poof*  
  
Hatori: *sigh**pulls out cigarette* There is no such thing as mole people....  
  
Kyou: Yes there are!!!!!!!! THE HOLY CHEESE STICK TOLD ME SO!!!!!!!  
  
Hatori: *pulls out more cigarettes*  
  
*Dark hand grabs cigarettes* Hatori: o_O  
  
Kyou: *mumble* they're coming for us.... *strikes kung-foo pose* *leaps at dark hand and runs over Hatori* *Hatori, Dark Hand and Kyou catch on fire and start twitching and running in circles**Evil army approaches*  
  
General: Good day to you my friends is there any way we can help you?  
  
*Hatori, Kyou, and Dark Hand are still running in circles in background*  
  
Kyou: Die you overgrown rat!!!!!!  
  
General: *Pulls out pepper spray*  
  
Kyou: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *sneezes*  
  
Hatori: No more smoking for me!  
  
Haru: I'm still lost...  
  
Everyone: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *gets kidnapped by Mole people and dragged away into an even DEEPER, DARRKER, SCARIER HOLE!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What will happen next?  
  
Will they ever escape the mole people?  
  
Will they ever se the sun again?  
  
Will Hatori use a Nicorette patch?  
  
All these questions and more evil randomness ensues in the next chapter DUN DUN DUHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please don't kill me.... I don't own the Got Milk cows, Dairy Queen, Nicorette (DON'T SMOKE IT'S BAD FOR YOU!!!!), cheese sticks (but I eat them and they're the crispy kind not the just cheese ones), fried chicken (yum), mole people (Kyou's right they are real!!!!), green men from mars, jackelopes or pepper spray...  
  
C'MON FOLKS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!  
  
Hatori: *mumble mumble* freak...  
  
TDS: NO I'M NOT!!!!!!! *wacks him with seahorse stuffed animal* MUAHAHAHAHAHA FRIED CHICKEN AND PINTO BEANS!!!  
  
Ayame: Nope not weird at all.... 


	2. Stun Guns and Nicotine Patches

The Furuba Jedi Mole Attack  
  
Ch 2: Stun Guns and Nicotine Patches  
  
Notes~~~~~~  
  
Yohimi_Maki: YAY!!! I'm glad you liked it and we can share cheese sticks!!! *yum yum, eating cheese sticks* I think Kyou's gonna want some in this chapter though... better save some leftovers...  
  
MysticSorceror: Thanks for reviewing! I was reading your story today and it's very good, but I've only just finished chapter 1! T.T Evil things keep taking me away from my computer *sob sob*  
  
Oh, and about those green aliens... I lied ^_^ THEY'RE NOT HERE TO SAVE THE TREES!!!! THEY'RE HERE TO PLANT MUTANT BROCOLLIS THAT CAN SING ARG!!!!!  
  
Oh yeah, and:  
  
TheDarkSquiggle=TDS Mole People= M.P. Pet Rock Named Jessica= PRNJ  
  
Don't worry you'll understand ^_^  
  
Disclaimer~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sadly, Hell will freeze over before I own Fruits Basket. T.T  
  
Last Time~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tohru, Momiji, Hatori, Haru, Kyou, Yuki, Ayame, and Shigure have all sadly fallen (or were pushed) in BIG, DARK HOLE and were KIDNAPPED and THEN TAKEN TO AN EVEN BIGGER, DARKER HOLE by EVIL mole people. Haru had people land on him as is thus very angry with the author, but knows complaints will only bring more pain MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Haru: WHAT WAS THAT?  
  
TDS: O.O;; n-nothing...  
  
Black Haru: Dammit you %&*#$ing ***** YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL FOR THIS!!!!!  
  
TDS:...*running*  
  
Black Haru: *chasing*  
  
TDS: *running towards open door, sees Tohru*  
  
TDS: Quick let me in!  
  
Tohru: *high on caffein* Kick her ass Haru!  
  
TDS: O.O;; I solemnly swear not to have anything bad happen to you this chapter... I will even ... BUY YOU A COW BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
White Haru: Really?  
  
TDS: Yup, just hurt Tohru for me 'kay?... *walks off*  
  
Black Haru: *Evil* I HAVE JOINED THE DARK SIDE!!!!!  
  
Tohru: I LOVE EVERYONE!!!!!!! *pounding, punching, and bone breaking noises heard for next 2 hours.*  
  
Story~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mole people (M.P.): Hut hut hut hut...  
  
Yuki: I haven't talked for a while...  
  
Shigure: Strange... where's Aya.....  
  
Tohru: He escaped!!! ^_^  
  
Mole person: Did you see where he went?  
  
Yuki: Listen no matter what they do don't tell them where he went!!!!  
  
Kyou: OBEI-WAN YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuki: -_-+  
  
Mole person: Miss, I must ask that you where he went, if we are to help him.  
  
Tohru: ?  
  
Mole Person: If we don't find him soon.... a llama will eat him...  
  
Yuki: That's the stupidest thing I've ever he-  
  
Shigure, Haru, and Tohru: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE LLAMAS!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kyou: Damn...  
  
Yuki: What...?  
  
Kyou: Well... THE SQUISHIES HAVE TAKEN OVER MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuki: Hatori is there any hope?  
  
Hatori: *thinking**starts spazzing from nicotine cravings*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~10 min later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hatori: *whacking random people*  
  
Kyou: THE GUACAMOLE PEOPLE WILL SAVE US!!!!!!!! COME OUT OF MY HEAD GUACAMOLE I WANT TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!! * bangs head on random objects but gets whacked by mole people for almost escaping*  
  
Hatori: PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON!!!!!!!!!! *singing*  
  
Momiji: ONIONS STICKS!!!!!!  
  
Yuki: -_-+  
  
Mole People: YAY!!!!!!!!... WAIT THERE ARE NO ONIONS STICKS HERE!!!!  
  
Momiji: Oh I'm sorry, I was only trying to provide a distractions so we could all escape ^_^  
  
Mole Person: Oh, ok. Please, where is that friend of yours?  
  
Tohru: *thinking: Mom always said to give people a second chance* He went thata way ^_^ !!!!! ---  
  
M.P: Thank you. *walks off*  
  
~~~In the distance large whacking noises could be heard followed by yells and girly screams.  
  
Tohru: They're friends now!!! ^_^  
  
~~~ Very dead looking snake carried in  
  
Aya: X_X  
  
Shigure: MY LOVE!!!!!  
  
Momiji: AYA!!!  
  
Kyou: MY CHEESE STICKS!!!!!  
  
M.P: The llama almost got him...  
  
Pet Rock named Jessica: You lie!!! A CURSE A CURSE ON YOUR-*squish**Mole people stepped on rock*  
  
Tohru: OMG! SOMEBODY'S HURT!!!! *ignoring bruised Sohmas* HATORI SAVE IT!!! *grabs pet rock and throws Nicotine patch at Hatori*  
  
Hatori: Thanks! Wait why do you have a nicotine patch in the first place?  
  
Tohru: DRUG FREE FOR 2 YEARS NOW!!!!! ^_^  
  
Hatori: ... I doubt it...  
  
M.P: *pulls out stun gun*  
  
Everyone: X_X  
  
So sadly all the Sohma's were unconscious as the mole people dragged them to their evil lair. Well except for Ayame, he was already pretty much dead, and Kyou who had gotten hit by lightening 45 times so far in his lifetime, so he was immune to stun guns (plus they had tried to arrest him at the airport last summer for having "weapons", which were actually kitty nail clippers, and was zapped several times for resisting arrest and streaking.) This would explain his bizarre behavior. Anyhow, when the Sohmas woke up they discovered the pet rock named Jessica was there (PRNJ) and that they were in a very small cage.  
  
PRNJ: You better run while you can!  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
PRNJ: I can predict the future.  
  
Hatori: Did you put something else in this Nicotine patch Tohru?  
  
Tohru: ^_^ I don't know  
  
Kyou: I hear it too.... O.O  
  
Hatori: Not a good sign...  
  
PRNJ: SCREW YOU ALL I'M GONNA GO FIND MY SETO-KUN!!!!! *flies away*  
  
Haru: Did you just see a flying-psychic -talking-petrock-with-bandages?  
  
Hatori: No.  
  
Kyou: Denial.  
  
Hatori: *death glare*  
  
Kyou: DE- -NILE IS A RIVER!!!!!!  
  
Everyone;*sweatdrop*  
  
M.P.: Take us to your leader!  
  
Hatori: NEVER!!!!  
  
Yuki: Why not just tell them, they might kill Akito for us!  
  
Tohru: He's upstairs!  
  
M.P.: In the land of the many lights?  
  
Tohru: Yup  
  
Everyone else: O.O;;  
  
M.P.: For your insolence, we will force you to talk!  
  
Everyone: ?  
  
M.P.: Torture!!!!  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Kyou: Haha!  
  
M.P.: ?  
  
Kyou: The cheese sticks tell me to burn things.....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~  
  
Will Aya die from his injuries?  
  
Will the Furuba Groupies be tortured?  
  
Will the FLYING PET ROCK SAVE THEM?  
  
All this and more next time...... *dun dun dun* *Insert Rockie theme here*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~  
  
Kyou: Why do I say stupid things?  
  
TDS: Because... that's how the world works...... actually it was because random things just pop into my head when I start typing and I can picture you doing something stupid...  
  
Kyou: *sob*  
  
Shigure: You're really too cruel...  
  
TDS: yes, I know ^_^ 


	3. Drunk Gremlins and Fish Fillet

The Furuba Jedi Mole Attack by thedarksquiggle  
  
Chapter 3: Drunk Gremlins and Fish Fillet  
  
Author Note~~~~~~  
  
*silence* Munching can be heard in the background**RADIO BUZZING* DANGER!!!! DANGER THE BROCOLLIS HAVE WON!! EVACUATE EVACUATE EVA-- *explosion* NARF NARF NARF!!!!!!  
  
Candace Goodnight: MUAHAHHAHA!! YES THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE HYPER! FF.NET+HYPERNESS=INASNITY!  
  
CrazyInsaneAnimeFanGirl: No, I don't hate Tohru, I just find her niceness... not real. I like her better in the manga... Plus I disagree with her strategies. She's living with people who turn into animals and every time she accidentally *poofs* them she's all "I'm sorry!!!" If it were me MUHAHAHAHA *evil laugh* I'd be friggin jumping on them 24/7 changing them into animals! I LOVE ANIMALS!!!!!!! SAVE THE WHALES!!! CUDDLEY WUDDLEY ANIMALS!!!  
  
aktiosohma: Many people are going to suffer from Akito's abuse because of what you said. CURSE YOU!!! *sob sob* I'll go write him in....  
  
Lavendar Valentine: Odd people rule the world....  
  
Dani: Yay! I shall give you a cheese stick! Cow Rebellion!!!  
  
Naoru-chan: A FELLOW BELIVER! WE CAN SPREAD THE TRUTH AND TAKE ON THE FBI!!!!!! DON'T LET THE WOMBATS EAT YOU!!!! ('cause of you wombats are gonna make a special appearance in this chapter.) ^_^  
  
Sophi-chan: Gracias for the review ^_^  
  
MikoMimi89: Squiggle on!  
  
THANKS FOR REVIEWING FOLKS!!!!!!  
  
Flashback~~~~~~  
  
Last time in Furuba Jedi Mole Attack: All our crazy people have been captured by mole people and put in REALLY SMALL CAGES!!!! Kyou's gone insane, Aya's half-dead and Hatori quit smoking (and Tohru's stupid but that's old news).  
  
*Door creaks open*  
  
TDS: ???? *shuts door**turns around* AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Akito: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THEM! YOU CAN'T BREAK THE CURSE!!!!*starts beating the crap out of me*  
  
TDS: *sob sob* I'm just writing a story...  
  
Akito: WHY AM I NO LONGER IN THIS STORY!!!!!!!! STUPID AUTHOR I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER!!!!  
  
TDS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Newscaster: We interrupt this broadcasting to bring you live on the scene of a terrible crime. Today at approximately Nine 'o clock in the evening TheDarkSquiggle was found beaten unconscious with a whoopee cushion. The victim is currently in therapy and has been mentally abused. If you have any information please call 1-800-666-6666.  
  
TDS: *In rubber room* NO THE FUZZLES!!! SQUISH THEM LARKY!!! BIRDS!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!! HELLO MR. FLUFFENBURGER!!!!! MUHAHAHAHA! I LIKE MARSHMELLOWS!! BURN IN HELL BIRDIES!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! *trying to break dance in straightjacket*  
  
Hatori: A hopeless case...  
  
Dani: She was born that way...  
  
Story~~~~~~  
  
It was so silent you could've heard a pin drop in that room... er... cave... Momiji looked close to tears, he didn't want to suffer! Especially without a reason! The mole people had just informed the rag tag bunch of Sohmas (plus one Tohru) that they were going to be tortured to death. Yet, why they would do such a thing seemed uncertain, especially form stupid looking Mole people who get blinded by the all HOLY MIGHTY SUNNIENESS LIGHT BULB IN THE SKY!!!!! (The sun)  
  
M.P.: Just kidding.  
  
Everyone: *sigh of relief*  
  
M.P.: We're only going to eat you all alive.  
  
Haru, Momiji, and Shigure: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Aya: N-o *cough* ooo *cough* ooooooo *cough**cough* X_X  
  
Tohru: Oh I have some good recipes for this type of stuff! ^_^ And I can wash the dishes when your done!  
  
Hatori and Yuki: ....  
  
Yuki: Tohru, this means we are all going to die...  
  
Kyou: I'LL SEE YOU IN HEAVEN ROGER!!!!! *jumps up and hits head on ceiling*  
  
Tohru: *sob sob* I'm so glad to have met all of you. E-even you cannibalistic-light-bulb-in-the-sky-hating-mole-people. Deep down we're all good people *sobbing really hard* I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!! *Jumps on all the guys**poof x 6* AMINALS!!!!!! AWWWWW CUDDLEY WIDDLY WITTLE AMINALS!!! *suffocating Sohmas**petting them all really, really hard on the head*  
  
Mole people: Ahh.... Animals... a rare delicacy...*grabs certain dogs and seahorses*  
  
Shigure: YOU BREAK IT YOU BUY IT!!!!!!!! *trying to bite them to death**gets a muzzle put on**pisses on them*  
  
Hatori: This is undignified. *Not really doing anything... seahorses have no teeth*  
  
Kyou: HAND PUPPET ONE TO HANDPUPPET TWO!!!!!!! WIGGEL BURGER WITH LARGE FRIES!!!*pulls off socks and starts staging a puppet show* TOHRU RHYMES WITH TOFU!!! AND SOYBEANS CAN POWER CARS!!! (both of these statements are true).  
  
And with that the mole people put Hatori in a frying pan so they could have fish fillet, which tastes like crap anyways, but these moles are stupid so they forgot to bread the fish. Shigure was tied to a stick and put in a big stew pot while the mole people danced around it singing David Bowie's Space Oddity... which didn't have anything to do with the situation.  
  
M.P.: THIS IS MAJOR TOM TO GROUND CONTROL!!!!! *SINGING LOUDLY*  
  
Hatori: *sizzle sizzle* I'm dead x_x  
  
Shigure: IT BURNS!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!! *note that the mole people haven't lit a fire under Shigure's stew pot*  
  
M.P.: *who are not singing* We shall have a feast!!! We need more food!!!!! *drags out old hippie guy*  
  
Old hippie guy: I am the Flower Child!!! Bitch'n party yo!  
  
Everybody except dinner items: O.o  
  
Flower child: *singing* Lets all be friends!!!! THE WORLD IS A RAINBOW!!!!!!! FULL OF MANY COLORS!!!!!! *everyone waving hands from side to side*  
  
Everyone except future meals: *hugging and singing*  
  
Shigure: THE WORLD IS A RAINBOW!!! (somehow he got out of his pot).  
  
Hatori: I'm dying... nobody cares  
  
TDS: USE THE FORCE YOUNG JEDI!!!!  
  
Hatori: ...  
  
TDS: Oh, screw... *knocks over frying pan with hand* nobody saw that...  
  
At this point everyone was swaying form side to side singing and hugging everyone in sight (the Sohma's had transformed back a long time ago *they found their clothes too*). The mole people (plus Hatori and Shigure) were waving their lighters from side to side singing along, while the almighty Flower Child kept on playing his guitar. Then the mole people grabbed a bunch of strobe lights and glow sticks and it became a sixties rave!!!!!!!!! Just then the door opened and out came AKITO!!!! Sadly, Akito was ready to start kicking Sohma ass, but then to his surprise, everybody jumped on him!!!!  
  
Everyone: WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!  
  
Akito: Really?  
  
Everyone: YUP!!!!!  
  
Akito: I DON'T ALLOW SUCH HAPPINESS!!!! ARRRRGG!!!!! *starts whacking Yuki mercilessly*  
  
Yuki: ^_^ I LOVE YOU TOO!!! *hugging*  
  
Momiji: LOVE LOVE LOVE HUG HUG HUG!!!! ^_^  
  
Akito: AHHHHHHHH!!!! *starts whacking Hatori's other eye*  
  
Hatori: I LOVE YOU!!!! ^_^  
  
Shigure: FEEL THE POWER OF 60's LOVE!!! *grabs hippie's guitar and starts playing Love Shack*  
  
Akito: IT BURNS!!!!!!!!! @_@  
  
Kyou: GNARLY MAN!!! *chucking glow sticks everywhere*  
  
At that very disturbed moment the walls of the cave exploded revealing THE GHETTO GRIMLIN ARMY and JUMPING JASPER JEDI ARMY!!!! Of course when they saw all these mentally disturbed people hugging and singing and playing with glow sticks, they got very scared.... But the Gremlin army joined right in!!!!! AND THEY JACKED THE JEDI'S ALMIGHTY LIGHT SABER GLOWSTICK THINGYS!!!!!  
  
Gizmo: *Using light saber as glow stick* AHHH! BRIGHT LIGHT! BRIGHT LIGHT! @_@ *light saber flies through air and destroys guitar*  
  
Everyone: *gasp*  
  
Hatori: *out of it* What are we doing?  
  
Jedi Leader ROKENSNOFF: Agent Fuzz where are you?  
  
Kyou: Right here, Roger! Phase One of Operation Holy Cheese Stick commenced.  
  
So the Jedis got their sabers back and went about beating the hell out of the mole people YAY! In the dark, the mole people were blinded by the florescent lights emanating from the light sabers and soon enough found themselves running for the hills. The good guys cheered and the gremlins started bringing out the beer!!! DRUNK GREMLINS WHOOOOO!!! In reality however, the mole people were just regrouping for a counter attack with their all-powerful POTATO GUNS OF DOOM!!! With the cover of darkness to aid them, they started snipering the wasted gremlins argh!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuki: What was that?  
  
Tohru: Did you hear something Yuki? ^_^  
  
Kyou: Did you get stoned Yuki?  
  
Nat the All Mighty Gung-ho Jedi: DUCK AND COVER!!!! *dives fifty feet, cartwheels through air and chucks angry wombats at potato shooters!*  
  
Wombats: HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY!!!  
  
Random People: AHHH MY ARM!! THE WOMBATS ARE EATING ME!!!!!  
  
Nat the All Mighty Gung-ho Jedi: ... woops. PHASE 2: OPERATION HAND PUPPET!!!  
  
Kyou: Roger that!  
  
Everyone else: O.o  
  
Yuki: So Kyou wasn't insane... he was communicating with the intergalactic forces in code language!  
  
Random Jedi: AH YOU ARE HURT YOUNG CROSS-DRESSING PADAWAN! *Heals Aya with the force* EVERYBODY RUN!!!!! HALF OF YOU COME WITH ME! WE'RE HEADED TO THE I.S.S. F.A.R.T.I.C.U.S.!!!!!  
  
Momiji: Haha! Your ships name is fart?  
  
Jedi: No it's I.S.S. F.A.R.T.I.C.U.S. or International Space Ship Fabulous Auto Radar Targeting Indestructible Cucumber Bus Scallop.  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Nat the Jedi: The other half of you come with me! We're headed to the I.S.S.!  
  
Everyone: ?  
  
Flying Pet Rock Named Jessica : *Magically Appears* It stands for International Space Ship... Nat has no imagination *poofs outta there before getting whacked*  
  
The Furuba groupies plus the Jedi's and one non-wasted Gremlin named Gizmo all ran to the designated areas where the space ships were. They dogged the potatoes and cart wheeled by thousands and thousand of mole people (there were more than they thought). They thought they were in the clear when suddenly THEY WERE GRABBED BY GIANT 10-EYED BROCOLLIS!!!! AHHHH!!!! (You see the singing broccolis from space actually won the war... and BRAIN WASHED ME INTO WRITING THEM INTO THE STORY AHHHH!!!!!!! That's when Tohru pulled out the kitchen knives!  
  
Tohru: We're having broccoli soup tonight! ^_^ *starts kung-foo cutting broccoli and picking up potatoes*  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
And so thanks to Tohru and her amazing martial arts vegetable cooking skills everyone got to the ships safe and sound. Wait! Where's our favorite Trio? Sadly, Ayame, Shigure, and Hatori found themselves surrounded by thousands of evil moles and were simply standing there as the twos ships took of without them. See, Yuki decided to be evil because Shigure bugs the crap out of him, Ayame bugs him even more, and because Hatori erased his, oh-so-precious-childhood-friends' memories... which didn't really matter because they would have forgotten about Yuki eventually anyways.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What will happen next time?  
  
Will Aya, Shigure, and Hatori survive?  
  
Will the Jedi's actually eat broccoli and potato soup?  
  
DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Momiji: I guess Kyou's not really crazy after all!  
  
TDS: Yup ^_^  
  
Momiji: GIVE ME A HUG!!!  
  
TDS: Deja vu? *hugs*  
  
Disclaimer~~~~~  
  
Don't own Furuba, Jedis, Star Wars, Gremlins, The Rainbow song, Love Shack or Space Oddity..  
  
Naoru-chan owns wombat ideas... 


	4. WEDDING BELLS, MURDERS, AND DARTH VADER

The Furuba Jedi Mole Attack : CHAPTER 4: WEDDING BELLS, MURDERS, AND DARTH VADER  
  
Alls well in the realm of normalness... or so the average everyday people of Normaltown thought. Until they saw...A BIG PURPLE CARROT. So they filmed it and won a hundred bucks on Real TV and erected a statue entitled "Deep Purple".... The End.  
  
Disclaimer If I owned a Ketchup company or a pasta company I would buy Fruits Basket... but I don't.  
  
Author Notes To All: I'm sensing a large change in the force... EVIL!!!!!!!!!! OH NO HELL'S FREEZING OVER!! ITZ DARTH VADER THEME THE RETURN OF THE EVIL AKITO FANS NOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Sophie-chan: I'm glad you like Akito... and I never listened to Lavendar in the first place.... jk  
  
Pirate Captain Kimi the Great: O.O I'm glad you liked it ... strange my friends and family call me kimi... we're probably evil twins.... anyhow kudos to you for having the most unique sn I've ever seen. PIRATES ARGGGGGGG!!!!! HARDY HAR HAR! WHERE'S ME EYEPATCH? And I give you points for not being cliche and saying "I like Akito." (jk Akito fans).  
  
Akito Sohma: Which skinny bastard? Akito or Yuki? Their both skinny and both bastards... not in a bad way cough cough but I don't see thier parents hanging around... lol yes poor Yuki will probably go to the hospital.  
  
Natsuruby: I need to put you on a restraining order...  
  
Akito this Akito that .... whats wrong with this world!!!!????? pulling out hair I feel in the minority here T.T I must be the only Hatori fan in the world (not counting those scary people who think gay Hatoris and drunk Hatoris are cool... weird people..... I mean I'm weird but not that weird.... that's like those sessXrin people.. weirdos..... cough cough cough MIKEALA cough child molestation should be outlawed![Kyou: it is outlawed idiot -- ] The great Dustbunny Commands it!).  
  
However I randomly support sessXkagura HatorixMayuko or whatever her name was.. the teacher lady... yeah... and AkitoXyuki just kidding but that would be hilarious....Yuki really would go to the hospital... pictures in head Akito: Make me pancakes! Yuki: They're fattening... Akito: I SAID MAKE ME PANCAKES DAMMITMIT!!! WHACKING MERCILESSLY  
  
Sports Break TDS: We interrupt this broadcast to bring you the latest on celebrity sports! Now today were interviewing Sesshomaru at a golf course! So, what do you do as a hobby?  
  
Sesshomaru: Well, I kill small annoyances glares evillythinking what an idiot, what would my hobby be if I'm at a GOLF course?!  
  
TDS: Uh. ha....ha. ha...?! makes a break for it and jumps the fence  
  
Sesshomaru: My plan has worked! Come along caddies sing song voice I need to go beat Tiger Woods drives off in golf cartblasting "Rollout" from speakersgolf cart bounces gangsta style down hill  
  
Last time Everyone escaped on two ships except for Hatori, Shigure, and Aya... who were abandoned by "the skinny bastard" Yuki (-- as said by akitosohma) and are currently surrounded by Mole peoples ahhhhhh.....  
  
The twin ships were launched into the depths of space and the crew (plus certain cursed people) watched as the ground bellow them shrank to nothing. The crew had walked out of the tunnels and into the sunlit land where their ships had landed and stupidly got onto them (if they wanted to go back HOME then I don't think they should have blasted off into space, no?)  
  
Yuki: Wait! I thought we were supposed to be going home!  
  
TDS: My point exactly! This author is getting bored fast!  
  
Akito: glares from other ship window  
  
TDS: Oh by the way, the groupings are like this:  
  
Spaceship #1  
  
-Tohru  
  
-Momiji  
  
-Kyou  
  
Space Ship #2  
  
-Yuki  
  
-Akito  
  
-Haru  
  
... Yes, Yuki will be making many visits to the hospital today.... anyways... In the next few moments, Yuki was continuously beaten on the head with random objects like chairs, tables, and watermelons thrown by Akito that came out of his Marry Poppins Bag. Nonetheless, Yuki survived after taking an Advil and was soon hired to be in an Advil commercial for women with menstrual cramps. Yuki was not pleased with this idea so he told his agent to get lost, but technically Yuki was lost..... LOST IN SPACE! (bad pun I know) Akito was not doing anything illegal today. Aside from the usual drugs and so on...[Haru was thinking it though..]) so Yuki thanked God and locked himself in the closet. (By the way there were other Jedis on the spaceship, but Akito hit them all on the head with vases and found out what brains looked like.  
  
He thought it was playdooh.  
  
Akito: Yuki come here....  
  
Yuki: ...  
  
Akito: I command you to come...  
  
Yuki: hiding in closet  
  
Akito: Oh well... ooohh I made a knife out of playdooh! , (--- minor note: my sister has informed me playdough is spelled like this p-l-a-y-d-o- u-g-h.)  
  
Meanwhile on the other ship it was a party all night long (still had those glow sticks) and since sadly neither the crew or the passengers had a brain... they drifted towards a large black hole...  
  
And didn't notice.  
  
Tohru: This sure is fun! But I wonder where Yuki is?  
  
Since Kyou was a genius in the making (or so he thought), he knew better than to tell the truth so he wisely, with his most intellectual mind said:  
  
HE'S TALKING WITH THE MIFFERS!  
  
Luckily, Tohru's brain was broken so she didn't notice anything strange... (and no, Akito didn't do it ... she was born that way...)  
  
Tohru: Oh that sounds like fun!   
  
Momiji: YAY CAN WE SING ABOUT CHEESE!!!???  
  
Tohru: SURE!  
  
Momiji: AND RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS?  
  
Tohru: Okay!  
  
Momiji: AND THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT!!?? (He's on the mushroom can folks!)  
  
Okay....anyyyyyyyways..... in the mean time (we'll spare you from the singing...) The whatever-the-hell-trio was in deep-not-space-trouble! gasp They formed huddle and made a plan! APPLAUSE sign is held up to audienceclapping is heard  
  
Shigure: ALAS THE END IS NEAR THERE'S.... NO.. MORE..AIR..... falls over twitching  
  
Aya: Noooooooooo SSHHHHHHIIIIIIGGGGGGUUUUUURRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I CAN"T GO ON WITHOUT YOU!!!! falls over  
  
silence .... ... Hatori: ... -- THWAK! kicks Aya and Shigure  
  
Shigure: Ouch.  
  
Aya: ITS A MIRACLE WE'RE ALIVE!!!!!!! HA-CHAN I SAW THE LIGHT!!!!!  
  
Hatori: No you didn't.  
  
Aya: OK!!!   
  
M.P.: ...evil grin MUAHAHAHAHAHA BEHOLD THE CHEESE SHREDDER OF DOOM!!!!!!  
  
Shigure: I thoguht it was The Potatoe Shooters of Doom....  
  
M.P.: We had to change it... last time we were sued for copyright infringement.  
  
Shigure: ?  
  
Hatori: Copying other peoples works and saying it's your own.  
  
Shigure: .... -- ..... O.O That's illegal???? starts burnig his own stories mumbles Have to get rid of the evidence...  
  
M.P.: We're getting off topic ATTACK!!!!!  
  
Groupies: huddle huddle huddleRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN  
  
So Hatori did his part of the plan and provided a distraction by ... running and jumping in the middle of the angry mob.  
  
Hatori: Ok! ... time to do your part of the plan.... Hello... Shigure.... Aya... moles with shovels closing in O.O anyone...clobbering noises heard  
  
Shigure:: Did you hear something?  
  
Aya: Nope. Anyway as I was saying...I'm hoping to incorporate blue with... pulls out dress designs gold. What do you think?  
  
Shigure: Oh, Yuki will love them! evil grin  
  
Aya: One step closer to bridging the gap between us!  
  
Hatori: H...e...l....l....o... very dead looking  
  
Shigure: Oh there you are! Aya wanted a second opinion on his outfit designs for Yuki!  
  
Hatori: Aren't...you.... forgetting.... something...  
  
Aya: Oh yes that's right! pulls out more dresses Look matching dresses for EVERYONE!! pulls one over Shigure's head Okay Ha-chan it's your turn!!! Ha-chan...? Ha-chan...?? Where arrrrrrrrreeeeeee youuuu????  
  
Hatori:... I'm leaving now...  
  
Shigure: still wearing dress Where are the mole people?  
  
Hatori: Oh I gave them some of Akito's medicine and they went nuts and started trying get high off of celery.  
  
Shigure: I've never tried that... is it possible?  
  
M.P.: Sitting in corner rocking back and forth with blanket over head MUFFINS!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!! MAKE THE HEADS STOP TALKING!!!!!!!!! Staring at a rock on the ground DAMMITMIT CHARLES I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE chucks rock I'M SORRY CHARLES petting rock  
  
Hatori: Evidently so..  
  
Other M.P.: THE SKY IS FALLING RUN MACCARONI RUN!!! HUMPTYDUMPTY WAS PUSHED!!!  
  
Shigure: I think that would explain why Akito is the way he is...  
  
Hatori: Ah yes... the side effects of life saving drugs... it turns you into a homicidal maniac...  
  
Shigure: That explains a lot... scooting away you know... there's places for people like that...called Happy Homes.  
  
Hatori: Yes and there's a place for people like you called a Correctional Faucility.  
  
Shigure: Yes I know I've been there.   
  
Aya: OH NO THEY'RE CLOSING IN!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!  
  
Shigure: WAIT WHAT'S THAT?  
  
Aya: IT'S A BIRD  
  
Shigure: IT'S A PLANE!!!!  
  
Hatori: It is not...  
  
Aya: Continuing anyways IT'S INDIANA JONES!!!!!! theme music  
  
Shigure: WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!!!  
  
Indiana: Is this Chicago?  
  
Shigure: SAVE MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
Indiana: Ok...swings down grabs Shigure and Ayacomes back for Hatori  
  
Hatori: pushes Indiana off rope I can manage on my own thank you...  
  
So everyone was safely standing on a ledge away from the mole people... that is until it CRUMBLED AND FELL INTO A BOTTOMLESS PIT!!!!!!! And thus they all fell off and died. Just kidding... only Hatori and Indy died because they weren't wearing dresses. Actually they landed in a giant bounce house and flew onto the ledge again while crashing into Aya and Shigure on their way up. Then they fell again but they MISSED THE BOUNCER! SPLAT MAUAHAHAHHAHAHA.... Okay, okay I lied... they actually faked their deaths and pulled their money together (with them Mole peoples as well 'cause THEY GOT THE BLING BLING!!! to fly to Las Vegas where they hit the lottery because Kana was working the Blackjack table and rigged it so they would ALWAYS WIN!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHHA! Yes so they all flew (again) to San Francisco so Aya and Shigure could officially become a married couple... with Michael Jackson as their priest (and kana and Hatori got remarried 'cause her first husband "mysteriously" disappeared [in reality.. Kana killed him! She just wanted the man's money!!! Yup, POISON!! O.O and little did Hatori know... that HE WAS NEXT ON HER HIT LIST!! AHHHHH RUN MAN RUN!!! SHE ONLY WANTS YOUR MONEY!! Of course he didn't know so... three days later he went MIA]). Naturally the wedding caused a riot in exactly 145, 887, 101 cities around the world because all the scary Shigure fan girls wanted him for themselves, but then when those 145, 887, 101 cities found out that there were 145, 887,100 cities besides themselves filled with 1.2 million raving fan girls each who were all Shigure stalkers, WWIII broke out, but since now the these fan girls had space ships, laser cannons and 1 million and one potatoes chips, they accidentally hit Ship number two! So thus Akito (ha ha sucker! BURN IN HELL!!!), Haru (the cow really did jump over the moon) and Yuki (he found out the moon was made of cheese after all) all died. Ship number one got lost in space and went cannibal and started trying to eat each other. IT WAS LIKE SURVIVOR BUT SCARIER!!!! Of course, Tohru offered to be eaten first because that's how she was, so they did. Needless to say she died. Momiji was about to be eaten by Kyo (since only the crew ate Tohru; Momiji and Kyo were actually very upset and had to be tranquillized) when the Darth Vader theme filled the air!!! IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN THE DEATHSTAR!!!!! AHHHHHHH!  
  
Momiji: AHHHHHHHHH DARTH VADER!!!!!!  
  
Darth Vader: removes mask  
  
Kyo: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HANAJIMA!!!!! getting shocked  
  
Okay so Kyo and Momiji joined the Dark side and took over the Earth. Aya and Shigure lived happily ever after. Hatori "disappeared" and Kana ran off with all his money.  
  
THE END!!!!!!! MAY THE CARROT BE WITH YOU!!!!!!!  
  
THANK YOU READERS!!! DON'T FORGET TO SAVE THE WOLVES!!!!  
  
At done-writing partyMUNCH MUNCHEverybody eating food  
  
Momiji: I GOT A JOKE!!! WANNA HEAR?  
  
Kyo: No dammit!!!  
  
Momiji: A dog, a cat, and a mouse walk into a bar....  
  
Kagura: MY LOOOOOOOVEEEEEE!!!!  
  
Kyo: Aw, hell. You weren't even in this story!!! RUNNING VERY FAST  
  
Kagura: NOTHING CAN KEEP US APART LOVE!!!! RUNNING WAY FASTER THAN KYO  
  
Shigure and Aya: We've been inspired by your story to live together FOREVER!!!!  
  
Hatori: I believe my death was unnecessary...  
  
TDS: Too bad...  
  
Tohru: PANCAKES!!!!!  
  
Akito: ... These... are... my... pancakes  
  
Tohru: OK!!!   
  
Thank you to my test subjects Jess, Neena, Nat, and Daniella.  
  
I'd like to thank Nat and Jess for allowing me to make them a random object/person. And  
  
I'd like to thank Mikaela (I spelled your name right!) for letting me poke fun at your ideas.  
  
I'd like to thank Daniella for her cameo role too.  
  
Oh and Neena I'm sorry but your hat didn't make an appearance... next time I promise!  
  
MAUHAHAHA!!! NEXT EXPERIMENT: THE FRANKFURTER FORT WAR (Wolf's Rain) 


End file.
